We've had homosexuals, bisexuals, transsexuals, and metrosexuals, but are you ready for. . . ecosexuals?

The latest edition of San Francisco magazine has a feature article, "In Search of a Nice Gaia," in which ecosexuality is the theme. It includes such horselaugh-worthy gems as:

But one morning they went out for breakfast and Mr. Right ordered an all-meat meal and doused his coffee with several packets of Equal. "I was dumbstruck," says Pearson. "I think I ate my entire meal in silence. Pork plus Nutrasweet? That was definitely our last date." I'm guessing for the fellow the silence at that breakfast must have been golden.

There's more great stuff like this. Another couple who couldn't work out their conflicting greenery summed it up thus: "I shopped at Rainbow; she shopped at Safeway," is how Monte Gores, a 33-year-old stock-trader turned-acupuncturist summed up his differences with a woman he once dated. "One night she told me she’d just eaten half a chocolate cake for dinner," he says. Not exactly a "mindful" way to eat. "If you're thinking about a long-term relationship, that's a red flag." They broke up within two months.

This one quote gets it all in a single sentence: "It wasn't just the compost," Claudia says, "but it raised some control issues that we couldn't resolve." Glad that composting is something that you might be able to work through.

Unfortunately the article is not available online, or I'd say Read the Whole Thing. All I can say is, if Evelyn Waugh or P.G. Wodehouse were still alive, they'd have to collect unemployment to get by. (I filed this under "extinction." No wonder birth rates in the Bay Area are so low.)

UPDATE: The full story is online, here. (Hat tip: Dave Roberts/Grist.com)